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I was disappointed, but in a way relieved. I even felt a bit embarrassed just meeting her on the street. I assumed that since she didn’t ask me to her house, she must be angry or disappointed with me for what happened last Saturday. That bothered me. A lot. I was very, very fond of her, and to lose her friendship because of what I did was almost unbearable. I had to do something about this. I waited a few more days. When I wasn’t asked to her house, I went one morning uninvited. She answered. I've come close several times, but... "He again shrugged in what was almost a Mediterranean gesture of resignation. "I know it takes sex - lots of sex. It has to be a fair-skinned woman with red hair." Looking at his unconscious partner he added, "or blonde hair." He smiled again - this time the cold smile - and continued, "It has to be sex with a special kind of woman, and she has to be bound. It doesn't have to be rape, but it has to be rough so that there is a mixture of pain and. I began to shake. It was far too great a responsibility for me to bear. I was only nineteen for fuck’s sake. I don’t know how I held it together. But I couldn’t any longer. I began to cry. My face flushed with heat and humiliation. Lifting my knees up, I hugged them and buried my face in the sweat-soaked camouflage. I was racked with violent sobs, my shoulders bouncing uncontrollably. The gasp of a wet sniffle jolted me from my self-pity some time later. It was one of the Médecins Sans. I sat in the front row and kept my legs firmly spread throughout the class. But he didn’t even blink, I didn’t catch him even glimpsing. He gave the lesson as normal, cracking jokes. Was he blind? Was I really that unattractive? He dismissed the class as usual but just as I was about to set foot outside the classroom he called me back, “Lucy! A word.” I shuffled over to where he was sat as the other students all filed out, I came and stood next to his desk, leaning on the blackboard which.
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